True Crime

Bryan Kohberger: ‘Can you relate?’

Click here to scroll down to all of Kohberger’s posts on Tapatalk.

In a TapaTalk forum from Bryan Kohberger in July 2011, Kohberger describes issues such as visual snow, depression, and migraines.

Account that Kohberger used on TapaTalk between 2011 and 2012.

I have had this horrible Depersonalization go on in my life for almost 2 years. I often find myself making simple human interactions, but it is as if I am playing a role playing game such as oblivion; I can see what is going on, I am slightly into it, but I can pause the game and focus on my real life. In this case, my life is the game and my old self can be reached by pausing the game, but how? I often think of things that humans do, things I have done my whole life, I feel like an organic sack of meat with no self worth, as I am starting to view everyone as this.

Everything I have ever done, makes no sense. How did things get this way? How am I wearing this shirt, and who decided that humans shall wear shirts like this? Are we all just advanced ANIMALS with possession, or is there more, more that I can’t see? I can’t connect. I view everything as I would if I was playing oblivion, pointless and full of nothing, out of reality. I am moving out of my house, my last holidays were already lived, but where was I?

As my family group hugs and celebrates, I am stuck in this void of nothing, feeling completely no emotion, feeling nothing. I feel dirty, like there is dirt inside of my head, my mind, I am always dizzy and confused. I feel no self worth. I am intelligent but I feel the opposite. I say things I don’t mean. The last holiday in my house, the house I grew up in, the house I once contributed to, the house I once felt at home in, is passed. As I hug my family, I look into their faces, I see nothing, it is like I am looking at a video game, but less. I feel less than mentally damaged, it is like I have severe brain damage. I am stuck in the depths of my mind, where I have to constantly battle my demons, am I here or am I fake?

I feel myself slipping away, I hear screams faintly, but I constantly battle away from it. What if I let go… where would I be? Would I ever come back to reality? I try to remember where I originated from, but I can’t. I barely remember my childhood. I often fear being 80 years old, alone, and having faint memories of my parents, everything I missed out on. I think about my father, what a good man he is, how I treat him like dirt because I have this condition, and I can’t take it. I might spiral out of control and lose myself in the void, I can’t let it all go. All of these regrets I predict for my future self… all of these thoughts of remorse… I got this when I was in my stage of discovery.

“Now I look in the mirror and I see this sickly, tired, useless and stupid man in the mirror, he is a complete disgrace, he doesn’t even deserve to live!”

Bryan Kohberger, 2011

I remember when I was 15, I would wander alone at 2 am, everything was so generic, nowhere felt like home, I saw things that were not there, a different reality. I felt eerie and alone, I died during those nights. I felt like a criminal, but where was my record? I can’t talk without flinching now. I used to be this healthy blonde haired boy with blue eyes, and in a few years I have darker hair and darker eyes, half the body weight.

Where did I leave off? I try to sleep, I try to clear my head, but the pressure won’t go away, the pain and depression won’t leave. Being me is this horrible disease that I was given. I think of this as I succumb to sleep, but I see a large intensity of black/yellow/white fuzz; it makes my mind fizzle and I can barely keep in the bounds of reality. It is as if the ringing in my ears and the fuzz in my vision is simply all of the demons in my head mocking me. I fall asleep, but I wake up quickly to bloody screams. Is any of this here? Am I brain damaged? NO?! Then why am I like this?

I have these thoughts all in my head, I search for someone to relate to me, everyone looks down upon me, no one can relate. As I try to read, suddenly my eyes look right through the words, when I look up, I see blue dots near the center of my vision. When I feel slightly calm, it gets hard to breath, and I see bright dots in my vision. Nothing I do is enjoyable. I am blank, I have no opinion, I have no emotion, I have nothing. Can you relate?

Kohberger Tapatalk Posts

  1. Paté 1 year ago

    Thank you for this all-inclusive format!

  2. Ashley 1 year ago

    Anyone know where all the other tapatalk posts are? There’s over 100.

  3. LindaLou 12 months ago

    All this is very interesting but how do we know that this is the BK in custody? Didn’t know he was ever blond hair and blue eyes.

  4. LindaLou 12 months ago

    All this is very interesting but how do we know that this is the BK in custody?

  5. LindaLou 12 months ago

    How do we know this is the BK in custody? Was he ever blonde, blue eyed?

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